Who Are You?

Maureen to Patrick: I didn't know that was you. I thought it was someone who looks just like you.

Meet My Husband!

Maureen: Mom, look, this is my husband! [Proudly shows me a rectangular-shaped rock that fits in her hand.]

MaShell: Wow, really??

Maureen: Yeah. His name is Gravelin....I mean Rocklin because well, he likes to ROCK MAN!!

Later....Maureen was in the bathtub.

Caroline: Maureen, is that your husband IN THE BATH WITH YOU??? AND HE'S UNDER YOUR BOTTOM?? AND YOU TOOTED ON HIM??

The next morning, Maureen woke up crying. I sat on her bed to see what was wrong and when I sat down, put my hand onto the bed, right onto her husband. She had slept on the 2 in rock all night!

Will You Share That Recipe?

Maureen: Mom, when I get bigger, will you share that recipe with me?

MaShell: Yeah, sure. Why do you want it?

Maureen: Well, when I get bigger I wanna make banana bread for my kids cause it's so good.

MaShell: How many kids do you think you'll have?

Maureen: Oh, a brother and a sister and a big brother and a big sister and a little sister and a little brother.

MaShell: Wow, 6 kids!

Maureen: Yeah, and I will be SO old.

MaShell: Where will I be?

Maureen: Oh, you will be dead. I will be old and you will be dead. You will Mom, for real.

Birthday Drama

MaShell: Maureen, where are you going?

Maureen: I'm GOING to give out these birthday party invitations, I have to or else no one will come to my birt-day party. [Maureen's teacher said she spent all of her free time today writing out birthday invitations.]

MaShell: Your birthday isn't until February after Valentine's Day, so you have a few months to wait.

Maureen [dramatically putting on clip earrings]: Moooom. Well, when I am older I am simply not going to know you because you will die and I will not.

With that she held her head up high in the air and marched away.

Feng Shui

MaShell: Maureen, why don't you go see if the neighbor wants to play?

Maureen: Mom, that is just SO not feng shui.

Sidekick

Maureen: Mom, will you be my sidekick?

MaShell: Sure. What's a sidekick?

Maureen: I dunno, but I think I need one.

Family Meeting

Maureen (yelling throughout the house): Family meeting, family meeting!! On the porch. Family meeting.

On the porch with Maureen...

MaShell: So Maureen, why did you call a family meeting?

Maureen: Uh.....I don't know. Meetings are SO boring!!

I LIED!!

Maureen: I'm going to stay in here and talk to them.

MaShell: Talk to who? Daddy went downstairs.

Maureen: Talk to my imaginary brothers--Bobby, Tommy and Jack!!

2 minutes later...

Maureen (fake sniffling): Momma, I'm so sorry. I LIED!

MaShell: About what?

Maureen: Last week, the week before, the week before the week before that I lied (bursting into tears) about my imaginary brothers. They aren't real.

Poop Story #??

Maureen, looking into the toilet: It's a poop eh-stravaganza in the toilet!

Lunch Request

Maureen/Lauren: Mom, today for lunch, I would like soouuu---ffffleee. What is souffle?

Miss DoLittle

While watching Dr. Dolittle...

Maureen: I can talk with animals.

MaShell: Oh really, but do they talk back?

Maureen: No. Yes, they talk in their animal language.

My Name is Lauren

MaShell: Maureen, let's go.

Maureen: Mom, my name is not Maureen. It's Luci.

MaShell: Okay Luci, let's go.

Maureen: Wait, wait, wait, that's not it. My name is Lauren. That's it. Lauren. I like 'L' names.

Rules for Adults According to Maureen

Maureen woke up this morning and immediately began declaring these Rules for Adults:

Number 1. Be polite
Number 2. Eat breakfast
Number 3. Get dressed
Number 4. Be polite again
Number 5. Be nice

Get Your Tutu!!

Maureen (yelling really loudly): CAAARRROLIINNNNE....GET YOUR TUTUUUUUU. IT'S TIME TO DAAAANNNCE!!

Maureen to MaShell: We are having a show tonight, right now, I have to go get ready. Oh my. I'm late.

Caroline immediately got green construction paper and a red marker and made a sign that reads:

Show ToDay!
When: Right now!
Where: Hall!
Staring (not "Starring"): Caroline and Maureen!

Caroline: Mom, are you coming to our show? We have plenty of seats.

Maureen (in a voice that got higher as she talked): Tomorrow, we are going to have another play of Winnie the Pooh!

My Collection

MaShell (in Starbucks): Maureen, please put the crinkly paper down. That belongs to Starbucks.

Maureen: But Mom, I need it for my crinkly paper collection.

I Have Something to Tell You

Maureen (yelling from the upstairs bathroom): Moooooommmm, I have something to tell yoooouuu.

MaShell (really dreading what the answer would be from the bathroom): What Maureen?

Maureen: I was teasing about my imaginary family. They aren't real. I don't really have imaginary brothers. I'm so sorry, but my brain made me say it.

Last week, Maureen was having a bad day and said she was going to go live with her imaginary family, including her two little brothers named Jack and Tommy Bobby.

Mr. Hanky

Maureen (on the toilet): I think Mr. Hanky just came out of my bottom!!

A few seconds later...

Maureen: I just flushed him.

Caroline: There's a little bit of Mr. Hanky in everyone.

Missing Dollets!!

Maureen: (holding mama rag doll that has pockets on her apron for three baby dolls): Oh NO!! I can't find the dollets. Mommy, have you seen my dollets??

Christmas Wish List

Erin: What do you want for Christmas Maureen?

Maureen: All the things on tv.

Erin: yeah you do!