OMFG

Maureen (coming down stairs): Did you know that penises and vaginas are the same thing? Penises and vaginas.

Dad: Well they aren't the same thing, boys have one and girls have the other.
(Note to the readers: He couldn't bear to repeat the words)

Maureen: That's right, I have a vagina and you have a penis. And your brothers have a penis. And your dad has a penis--a dead penis.

I'm Drunk Too!

A friend of ours went to the liquor store with his 6 year old and 3 year old. The 6 year old was speaking very loudly in the store and repeatedly said: Don't get beer Daddy. Don't get drunk AGAIN!!

The three year old asked: What does drunk mean?

The dad, consulting a neighbor, responded: Drunk is when you are really tired and can't remember what day it is.

Flash forward to the next day...

The three year old: Daddy, I am drunk ALL the time!!! I am always SO tired and I NEVER, EVER know what day it is.

Michael Phelps!

My friend's 3 year old boy watching the Olympics: Michael Phelps swims like me!!

I Can Read Your Mind!

Maureen had a complete meltdown and after dealing with that for way too long, Caroline had this to say:

Caroline: Mom, I know what you are thinking. I can read your mind!

MaShell: Oh really, what am I thinking?

Caroline: You are thinking, it sure is a tough life being a mom!!