Get Your Tutu!!

Maureen (yelling really loudly): CAAARRROLIINNNNE....GET YOUR TUTUUUUUU. IT'S TIME TO DAAAANNNCE!!

Maureen to MaShell: We are having a show tonight, right now, I have to go get ready. Oh my. I'm late.

Caroline immediately got green construction paper and a red marker and made a sign that reads:

Show ToDay!
When: Right now!
Where: Hall!
Staring (not "Starring"): Caroline and Maureen!

Caroline: Mom, are you coming to our show? We have plenty of seats.

Maureen (in a voice that got higher as she talked): Tomorrow, we are going to have another play of Winnie the Pooh!

My Collection

MaShell (in Starbucks): Maureen, please put the crinkly paper down. That belongs to Starbucks.

Maureen: But Mom, I need it for my crinkly paper collection.

I Have Something to Tell You

Maureen (yelling from the upstairs bathroom): Moooooommmm, I have something to tell yoooouuu.

MaShell (really dreading what the answer would be from the bathroom): What Maureen?

Maureen: I was teasing about my imaginary family. They aren't real. I don't really have imaginary brothers. I'm so sorry, but my brain made me say it.

Last week, Maureen was having a bad day and said she was going to go live with her imaginary family, including her two little brothers named Jack and Tommy Bobby.

Santa Claus is a Bad Man?

Caroline (singing): Santa Claus is a bad man, Santa Claus is a bad man...

Maureen: Santa Claus isn't bad. Santa Claus is a BLAAACK man. That's what the song says Caroline.

Caroline: Mom, why is Santa Claus a black man?

I Thought We Would Get Coal!!

On Christmas Morning, while looking at everything Santa brought...

Maureen (talking really loudly): Wooowww!!! I thought we would get coal. There really IS a Santa Claus!!

There REALLY IS a Santa Claus!!

Santa brought Maureen a Fur Real white kitty cat which prompted several reactions:

Maureen to her baby doll Lauren: Look honey, we have a kitty!

Maureen to Erin: When will we have kittens??

Caroline to MaShell: MAUREEN, this means there REALLY IS a Santa Claus!!! You asked for a furry white cat, and Santa brought you a furry white cat!! Wow!!

Maureen then named the cat Princess Whiskers. I later stuck my finger in Princess Whiskers mouth and it bit me. I leaped back and screamed!

Miracle #4

MaShell: Do you have any new miracles?

Caroline: YES!! I have more friends. And I just sent my letter to Santa ONE WEEK ago!!

I've Created Monsters

Maureen (sticking a chopstick in an apple): LOOK!! I made a candy apple

MaShell, Erin and Caroline: Ha ha ha ha ha

Caroline: Mom, are you going to put this on your blog thing?

Mr. Hanky

Maureen (on the toilet): I think Mr. Hanky just came out of my bottom!!

A few seconds later...

Maureen: I just flushed him.

Caroline: There's a little bit of Mr. Hanky in everyone.

Missing Dollets!!

Maureen: (holding mama rag doll that has pockets on her apron for three baby dolls): Oh NO!! I can't find the dollets. Mommy, have you seen my dollets??

I Want To Be Traded!

We were in an Irish store the other day. Caroline saw a sign that read:

Unattended children will be traded to the leprechauns for tea and chocolates.

We started looking around the store and she kept disappearing. I thought she was trying to find a gift for me. But finally, when I went looking for her the third time she told me what was going on:

Caroline: Mooooommmmm! I want to get traded!!

MaShell: Traded?? What?? Oh!!! To the leprechauns!! What do you think they will do with you?!

Caroline: They will train me to do stuff.

Later, she was looking at all the Irish dolls with red hair and blue eyes and had an epiphany--"I'm IRISH!! All the dolls look like me!!"

We Need a Trick Dog!

MaShell: I wish we had a dog that would clean up all the food you girls drop on the floor.

Caroline: Well, I wish we had a dog that would carry the plates into the kitchen. It would have to be a trick dog, a trick dog that has it's own show.

MaShell: Why would a trick dog with it's own show want to live in our house?

Caroline: To eat ALL that food under the table!

Dear Santa

Dear Santa,

Please tell us what number it is till Christmas. And then, please could ya do that for me? Now, okay, it is time to talk. I want all the things that are on tv for Christmas. I want a kitty toy that is white and Barbie and the Diamond Castle and Barbie Peek-a-boo and the Barbie Peek-a-boo house and the wedding one. And the Littlest Pet Shop and the Diego rescue and the potty dolls that go potty. Please can I have them? Please? But not the boy stuff, never, never. Awesome!

Eat your food Santa, okay? Eat your food. You have to get bigggger!! Cuz if you don’t you won’t be strong enough for your filled up bag.

Buh-Bye, Gotta Go!

Hello! It is so nice to see you again Santa. Last Halloween, A-le-lu-ya!! And then, I was so bad, I was Ariel. Now, could you please do this? A-e-i-o-u is right.

Thank you for everything!!! I loooovvveee Rudolph. He has a very zito. That means he has a red nose.

Maureen

The Tail Game

Maureen: Let's play the tail game.

MaShell: Okay, how do you play?

Maureen: You say, "Which kind of tail does a pig have?"

MaShell: A curly tail?

Maureen: Noooooo, a twisted tail. You loosed. Now it's your turn.

MaShell: Which kind of tail does a horse have?

Maureen: Noooooo, that animal is NOT in the tail game. [whispering] Try a skunk.

MaShell: Which kind of tail does a skunk have?

Maureen: A STINKY tail. I win. I get a gold star. Now it's my turn. Which kind of tail does a dog have?

MaShell: A furry tail??

Maureen: Yes! A furry tail, you get a gold star. A gold star is worth no points. A pink star is worth two points.

Later, Patrick came and joined the game and found out that rats, cats and horses are NOT part of the tail game and that he loooosed! Then it was declared by Maureen that no boys are allowed and no redheads are allowed to play the Tail Game.

His Mom is Not Very Smart

Caroline: Do you get up on the roof?

Patrick: No

Caroline: The boys in my class get up on their ROOF! They do. William gets on the pointy part. His mom lets him. I think his mom is not very smart.

Connections by Maureen

Polka Dots and Bananas

Caroline made up code words that she uses all the time:


Polka Dots! = seat belt is buckled and she's read to go

Usage example:

Caroline: Mom, POLKA DOTS!!! Did you hear me?? I said POLKA DOTS.

Bananas (always whispered) = I need to go to the church cry room and get more books to read during church

Usage example:

Caroline pointing to back of church and whispering: Mom, bananas...bananas...that means I need to go get more books......can I???.........puhleasssseeee????

St. Nick

Caroline: Why do they call him St. Nick if he isn't dead?

Patrick: ...uh.....that's a very good question....some people call other people a saint even if they aren't.

Caroline's Letter to Santa

Dear Santa Claus,

Here's what I want for Christmas. More Friends. I know, I know, it's a long story.

Love,
Caroline

Madeline Gets All Sassy

Patrick (pointing): Madeline, get OUT of the kitchen

Patrick (pointing again): Madeline, I said get OUT of the kitchen. Go.

Madeline: unh-uh

Christmas Wish List

Erin: What do you want for Christmas Maureen?

Maureen: All the things on tv.

Erin: yeah you do!

Fanksgiving

Caroline, first thing on Thanksgiving morning: Maureen, today is Thanksgiving!!

Maureen: I am so fankful for everything in the world. Everything 'cept the scary stuff on this Earth

Another Word For Almost Done

Maureen: Magic boo-boos!!! That means we are almost done! That means good job!! Magic boo-boos!

T is for Turkey

Maureen: T is for turkey which is really good for you...yum...but not the beak!

Obama Won!!

Maureen, waking up Caroline: Caroline, Caroline, wake up....OBAMA WON!!! He WON Caroline!!

Caroline: I know!! Obama won and light rail won, Obama won and light rail won, yeah!!!!!

Manipulation 102

PT took C and M to a meting at the school library. They were both VERY well behaved, and he told them afterward he was proud of them. To which Caroline responded, "Now what are you going to do for us?"

Dad: Nothing

Getting the Band Together

While listening to of Montreal and enjoyed toast with jelly:


Maureen: "Dad, I am going to have a band and you can be in it: one boy is allowed."

Piano Practice

Dad: Caroline, why don’t you practice the piano before piano class?
Caroline: Are you asking me or telling me?
Dad: I think it would be a good idea.
Caroline: What if I say no?
Dad: Please play the piano.
Caroline: No.
Dad: Play the piano!
Caroline: (sigh) Okay.

Dancin' Maddie V

Obama or McCain??

On car ride home from Girls Scouts...

Caroline: Are you voting for Obama or John McCain?

Dad: John McCain.

C: I am voting for Obama.

Dad: Why?

C: Because

Dad: But why?

C: Just because…I am voting for Obama; I am voting for brown people.

OMFG

Maureen (coming down stairs): Did you know that penises and vaginas are the same thing? Penises and vaginas.

Dad: Well they aren't the same thing, boys have one and girls have the other.
(Note to the readers: He couldn't bear to repeat the words)

Maureen: That's right, I have a vagina and you have a penis. And your brothers have a penis. And your dad has a penis--a dead penis.

I'm Drunk Too!

A friend of ours went to the liquor store with his 6 year old and 3 year old. The 6 year old was speaking very loudly in the store and repeatedly said: Don't get beer Daddy. Don't get drunk AGAIN!!

The three year old asked: What does drunk mean?

The dad, consulting a neighbor, responded: Drunk is when you are really tired and can't remember what day it is.

Flash forward to the next day...

The three year old: Daddy, I am drunk ALL the time!!! I am always SO tired and I NEVER, EVER know what day it is.

Michael Phelps!

My friend's 3 year old boy watching the Olympics: Michael Phelps swims like me!!

I Can Read Your Mind!

Maureen had a complete meltdown and after dealing with that for way too long, Caroline had this to say:

Caroline: Mom, I know what you are thinking. I can read your mind!

MaShell: Oh really, what am I thinking?

Caroline: You are thinking, it sure is a tough life being a mom!!

Best night EVER--4th Miracles!!

Caroline to MaShell: Tonight is the very best night EVER in my whole life. Because of three things:



First, I lost my very first tooth!

Secondly, I can play "Yankee Doodle" with my EYES CLOSED

and third, I taught you how to play the piano!!!!



Caroline: I think these are miracles. These are my FOURTH miracles!!!!

Whatever

The other night Maureen asked me what I thought about something...I wasn't really paying attention and didn't respond.

She leaned over and whispered to me, "say 'whatever' momma." So I said "whatever" and she climbed into bed.

Rock Family

Maureen [walking on gravel road]: Momma, stop! I need to put this rock in the stroller.

Later, down the hill...

Maureen: Momma, stop!! I need my rock.

Maureen [tosses the rock on the ground in the middle of the road]: Bye rock! Say hello to your new rock family!

Caroline on the Road to Sainthood

Caroline: Momma, I want to be a saint. I've been doing lots of good things.

About 15 minutes later...

Caroline: Momma, I always want to help poor people...'cept I don't know any poor people. So, can we go to a hospital and I will take flowers to the sick people? Can we do that some time?

Why??

Maureen in the public restroom at the lake to the woman next to us drying off: Why are your boobs so small?

Surprised woman: Uh...

Maureen: Mommy, why are her boobs SO small?

Surprised woman: Some boobs are small like mine and some are big and I haven't gotten implants yet!

Rainbow Puddle or Car Pee?

Maureen in a parking lot: Look, there's a rainbow puddle!

Caroline: Maureen, that is just car pee.

I'm Famous!

Caroline: Mom, are you famous?

MaShell: Oh, yeah...I sure am. Everyone knows me.

Maureen: I am famous.

MaShell: What are you famous for Maureen?

Maureen: My songs. My ABC song. Everybody loves it.

Bear Poop and Atchison

We just got a van that my dad had for awhile on the farm while he fixed it for us. It got dusty and smells when you first get in it, even though PT scoured and vacummed it for an entire day. Here's what Maureen just said about it...

Maureen: "It smells like bear poop in here........it smells like Atchison."

"I LOST MY..."

We went for a walk last night. The kids found a tree with cherry-like things on them and decided to pick them. Here's what happened on the way home...


Maureen (yelling at the top of her lungs): I LOOOOST MY CHERRRRRY!!!

MaShell: Wow, Maureen, do you really need to yell that?!

Neighbor: That's quite an announcement to make to the neighborhood!

EAT your dinner!

MaShell: Maureen, EAT your dinner!

Maureen: But I don't like it.

MaShell: What's not to like? It's chicken and it's rice with cheese and broccoli.

Maureen (with nose all crinkled up): But that is rice that is all sticking together and that is chicken...farm chicken that goes 'bawk, bawk'

Dumb Kid Contest Winner 2008

Caroline got her head stuck in the folding chair and was kind enough to wait for daddy to get the camera.

Poop Story #5: Revenge of the Burnt Ends

Maureen loved the burnt ends at the BBQ contest in Lawrence. They were pretty spicy and the next day she paid for it.

Maureen, sitting on the port-a-potty (ew!) talking to Daddy: My stomach was all angry at me and now it says, "thank you!"

I See a Naked Woman!!

In the car, on the way to Lawrence yesterday Caroline was looking out the window:

Caroline: I see a naked woman!!! And she has a half a leg. And her tongue is sticking out. And now I see a turtle.


(She was looking at the clouds.)

www.com

Caroline: Mom, how do you open a coconut?

MaShell: I don't know...

Caroline: Can you go to HowToOpenACoconut-www-dot-com?

Meet Teeny, the Talking Cat

Maureen is playing with her toy cat, which is kitten-sized, and hard but has a soft grey, velvety covering over it. It's kinda creepy but she loves it.

Maureen: This is Teeny. She is a great cat because she talks.

MaShell: Oh really? What does Teeny say?

Maureen: Teeny just says, "Blah, blah, blah."

MaShell: What else does Teeny say?

Maureen: She says, "I for poop." That means I forget. Now, Teeny, say, "I fooorrrr-get." Hey Mom, Teeny just said, "I forget." I have to put him outside now because he is pooping everywhere. I really have to put him outside so he doesn't poop in the house. "Okay Teeny, you have to go outside and poop."

Good Job Dad!

Maureen put a big blue bead up her nose last week. Patrick closed her other nostril and blew in her mouth. The bead popped out and Maureen said, "Wow, good job Dad!!"

Poop Story #4: Broken Bootie

Maureen had diarrhea the other day--ew. Her first reaction:

Maureen: I have to call grandma and tell her that my bootie is broken! It is so broken, I have to tell her.

Days later she saw grandma and it was the first thing she told her. Who knows why??

I Just, I Just....

Maureen to MaShell: "I just........I just........I just...........I just...........LOVE YOU!


Awww....how sweet!

Easter Explained

Caroline: I know what happens on Easter... Jesus comes back to life and comes into our houses and leaves us Easter baskets with candy.

Maureen: And then, Jesus goes to jail.

Too much TLC??

We were on a walk the other day. Caroline saw a house for sale and there was a worker going in and out.

Caroline: Look Daddy, they are flipping that house!

Maureen: Yeahhhh, flip-ppping!

Happy New Christmas!!

Yesterday, on Valentine's Day morning, Maureen woke up and the first thing she said in an excited but sleepy whisper was:

"Happy Newwww Christmas Mommmm!!!"

She knew there were secrets and presents so what else could it be? When she went downstairs and saw the table full of flowers and candy from her daddy, as well as heart-shaped cookies that I made, her expression was just as awesome as Christmas morning. She then proceeded to stuff her mouth with chocolates and cookies and was on a sugar high all morning, according to the stressed out nanny!

Guest Post: "It's so BORING up there."

At our church, all the children can go down to the basement for awhile during Mass for "children's church." They sing and color for about 15 minutes. We received the email message below from the mom who escorted all the kids last week. (Lainey is her daughter.)

***************

Hey guys,

You may have wondered why Maureen didn't return to your pew as promptly as Caroline. All the other children shuffled back up the stairs, but there remained Maureen, brows furrowed, arms crossed. I explained that it was time to go back to our families. She was silent. I wasn't really sure what was going on in her little head. After a moment, she began to make her way to the stairs, stopped again and oh-so-desperately stated, "But it's so BORING up there!" I about lost it. It was so heartfelt and sincere. If Lainey hadn't been standing there with me, I would have bust up laughing. I just thought I'd share this one with you.

Ewww! How Unappropriate! They Keep Kissing!

Patrick: How was breakfast with Erin and her friend Andrew?
Caroline: Andrew is unappropriate.
Patrick: How is he unappropriate Caroline?
Caroline: He is unappropriate for an adult. He made me stick my finger in his nose.

and a little later...

Caroline: Andrew and Erin kept kissing in our house, like 4 times! Ewwww.
MaShell: Really? I never saw them.
Caroline: Yeah, they kept doing it when they were all like...proud of each other. And I asked them if they are going to get married and they just giggled. That's all, they just giggled.

Where's My Potty Train?

When Maureen was on the cusp of being completely potty trained but just needed a little incentive, I took her shopping for a toy as a reward. She picked out a green Thomas the Train engine. She calls it her Potty Train. It took me a few weeks to realize this was a play on words.

Now, pretty much on a daily basis, she asks, "Where is my potty train??"

Crazy or Groovy?

Patrick: “Caroline, this next song [by Seal] is called Crazy!”
Caroline: “It doesn’t sound crazy. It sounds GROOVY! It makes me shake my bottom”

Mark Your Calendar- Tomorrow is Sharing Friendship Day

Maureen didn't feel like sharing her babies this morning and Caroline got really upset.

Caroline: "Maureen is not sharing her friendship with me. If she doesn't share her friendship I will not play with her ever again. I will tell her that tomorrow is Sharing Friendship Day and then she will do it."

Miracle Worker Continues

Caroline had her 3rd miracle yesterday!

From her top bunk bed, she put her feet on the ceiling. The light coming in through the pink curtains reflected on the ceiling and when she put her feet there, it created a rainbow.

Caroline: "That was my third and most amazing miracle."

Saint Caroline?

Caroline asked us yesterday what our first miracles were.

Caroline: My first miracle was the day I made snowflakes and taped it on the window and it started snowing. That was a really long time ago. And another miracle--everyone in this house thought it was going to be a boy, except me. I was right, it was going to be a girl. That was my second miracle. Those are the only two I had. If I have any more miracles, I'll let you know.

Maureen, did you have a miracle?

Maureen: I did, it was a scary, SCARY dream.

Manipulation 101

Caroline: Daddy threw away my paper airplane. Will you make me a new one? And this time, I'm going to write I heart you Dad on it. He NEVER throws anything away that I write that on. What a great idea!!

Eat Candy / Listen to Myself

Caroline is waffling on whether she wants to grow up or not.

Last night, on the verge of tears, Caroline said she never wants to grow up and get big.
Caroline: "How can I stay little? Eat candy??"

Today she told Patrick: "I want to get bigger so I can just listen to myself."

And EAT!

We were eating dinner tonight and the girls were being picky.


PT: Maureen, get your finger out of your nose and EAT!

...PAUSE...

PT: Ooooohh....I meant eat your dinner.

Everyone: EWWWWW!!!!!

Update on "I have NO ideas"

Caroline says that I am making this up and she DID NOT say that. I thought the day would come when she would deny all things said by her on this blog, but I didn't expect it to be the next day.

I have NO ideas!

Caroline was so bummed out the other day. I asked her what was wrong and here's the response...


Caroline: I am so sad because I just, I just have no ideas.
MaShel: No ideas??
Caroline: Yeah, my brain just has NO ideas anymore. I don't know what to do. I think dad is right, I think my brain is mush from the tv.